The object of terror is to use an enemy's fear to leverage himself into positions into which you cannot put him by direct force. With two-score men, borrowed planes and some lessons down in Florida, a millionaire recluse clown with bizarre hairstyling convictions tantalized and lured a nation of 300 million people into breaking its back economically and militarily on a nation that hasn't been conquered — at anything other than its own pleasure — since the days of Alexander. The economic woes and military overextensions engendered by our lust for vengeance remain. So, too, do the main tools of recruitment for Islamic terrorists, according to a study by the Bush/Rumsfeld Pentagon: American troop presence in Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as our uncritical support for the state of Israel.Bin Laden is dead. Long live Bin Laden.
To anyone paying attention to the Middle East over the last decade, this conclusion was inescapable even in the full rush of excitement in the moments after bin Laden's death. And if that's the case, all ensuing parties are an absurdity — like high-fiving someone for acing a years-out-of-date Bar Exam practice test for a state he doesn't live in. At that point, all you can do is make a joke: the rush of emotions are weightless, suspended by nothing. You look up and wonder how the coyote can keep walking across an empty chasm, between two cliffs, separated by ten years, and you realize that it's only because he isn't even curious enough to look down.
But it's hard enough to express simpler ideas than this on Twitter, so the jokes below had to suffice. Clicking the timestamps will direct you to the original tweet and its place in the timeline.
Let the word go forth from this time and place: if you are an international terrorist, you won't get away with it for more than 17 years.
It will only take us 9 years & 4 months & about $4 trillion in international conflicts & intelligence actions, but we'll EVENTUALLY END YOU.
AMERICAN NATIONAL SECURITY EXPERTS: 'We Do Not Understand Asymmetric Warfare, Figureheads or Terrorism Recruitment, but We Strung 'im Up!'
BREAKING: BIN LADEN FOUND DEAD IN IRAQ MONTHS AGO, CAUSING 'ALL THE DEMOCRACY THAT HAPPENED FOR A COUPLE MONTHS FOR SURE,' SEZ WOLFOWITZ
Holy shit, all my dead friends from New York just came back to life.
AP: Bin Laden Corpse Made Out of Pure Diamonds—to Fund Schools, EPA, Medicare and Agency Budgets Slashed to 'War Terrorism's Shit Up'
Cory Doctorow Warns Nation: Death of Bin Laden May Directly Negatively Impact Youtube Doubler/Image Macro Humor
Click here to read the latest from Nathan Rabin's "My 10 Minutes of Bin Laden Being Dead." http://avc.lu/qlmsot
TSA Scanner Employee Finds Bin Laden in 6-Year-Old's Underoos
If there's one thing my aunt who died in WTC 1 would've wanted, it'd be for Bin Laden's decade-later death to psych us up for bombing Libya.
Great, now the price of Osama Bin Laden Franklin Mint coins is going to go through the fucking roof.
This isn't going to be real for me until it's like 1994: Kurt Loder interrupts Better Than Ezra's "Good" to let us know Osama died.
Rhino Records to Re-Release Bin Laden's Greatest Murky Audiotape Messages for Commemorative "A Life in Audio" Retrospective
Pundits announcing Bin Laden's death are doing so by declaring his total victory. "He changed the way we live." THAT'S TERROR'S GOAL, IDIOTS
"Osama's dead and we showed he wouldn't get away with it. But for 10 years he totally changed the American way of life and civil liberties."
Report from NFL Combine Shows Cam Newton Was Able to Show Support for Killing Osama Bin Laden in Under 4.1 Seconds
Osama's death restores a world where our children can be raised in freedom from fear. That's right: me and the wife are pullin' the goalie.
Wads of Congealed Spit on Corners of Chris Matthews' Mouth Now Size of Titleists
Bin Laden Found Collapsed on Tomato Plants with Orange-Slice 'Smile' Stuck Behind His Lips; CIA Claims Bin Laden Grandson Working as Agent
BREAKING: Tweed-Bedecked Armchair Op-Ed Writers and Sports Analysts Announce Mass Mobilization of Tortured Bin Laden Death Analogies
This dude on MSNBC live via internet-chat linkup is totally fragmenting and revealing that he is actually a reptiloid. #RemembertheRealEnemy
FOX Reporting Bin Laden Dead, Greenlight for Completed 'Arrested Development' Feature, Filming to Begin 2012
National Board of Redditors to Washington: 'Pics or It Didn't Happen'; Obama's Rating Plunging Under Votedown Pending Proof
OBAMA KICKS OVER PODIUM, FLEXES, WAVES HAND AT CROWD BEFORE LOOPING IT BACK, CUPPING HIS EAR. RICK DERRINGER PLAYS FROM EVERY AMERICAN RADIO
BREAKING: Internet Video 'Glucose Change: The Inside Job' Proves a Diabetic Osama Killed Himself by Binge-Eating at Lobsterfest
FOX News Anchor: 'Osama Was a Booger. Obama's a Booger. Osabama.' Holds Dripping Juice Box, Stands Awkwardly, Picks at Butt with Finger
People Waving Banners and Chanting in Streets, Praising God over Death of Their Evil Enemy—but They're White and Speak English, So It's Rad.
People in DC singing "Na Na Na-Na... Goodbye." Thanks, America: now we live in a $4 trillion football game where we firebombed over 100,000.
BUDWEISER PARTY VAN PUMPING GARY GLITTER'S ROCK & ROLL PART 2: Nuh nah nah-nah nah!/Our crippling debt!/Nuh nah nah-nah nah!/Bin Laden Dead!
