I know of some people who are, and a tweet I wrote on Election Night reminded me of them. Last year, Mr. Destructo contributor Dan "General Gandhi" O'Sullivan, Classical editor David J. Roth, nomad political writer Alex Pareene, and SBNation writer Bill Hanstock and I, amongst others, collaborated on a world-beating slate of 2016 GOP candidates. Not just candidates for president but candidates who could run the table in every open Senate seat as well.
This is the future of the GOP. This is your future, America.
Just realized it's only about one more year before another fucking election season begins
— The Telltale Blart (@Bro_Pair) July 17, 2013
top republican prospects for 2016 1. a fat greek man who speaks no English and only yells and spits a lot 2. a mean, mangy coyote 3. a gun
— The Telltale Blart (@Bro_Pair) July 17, 2013
@Bro_Pair 4. poster for "Grown Ups 2" with Chris Rock airbrushed out 5. anti-islam parody of "COEXIST" bumper sticker 6. herman cain
— alex pareene (@pareene) July 17, 2013
GOP 2016 dark horses: Templeton the Rat (Charlotte's Web), the guy who shot Larry Flynt, a sun-bleached desert skeleton wearing a cowboy hat
— The Telltale Blart (@Bro_Pair) July 17, 2013
more top GOP 2016 prospects: a goat eating a rusty tin can, a staph infection, that picture of the guy shooting the Viet Cong in the head
— The Telltale Blart (@Bro_Pair) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP candidates: entrepreneur Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán, Bill Murray in Kingpin, a bag that's been put over someone's head during incest
— The Telltale Blart (@Bro_Pair) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP: an Astrovan with a gun turret weighing down the left half, a banana slug in a jar of mayo, a tired old vampire with emphysema
— The Telltale Blart (@Bro_Pair) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP candidates: a feral child whose only vocabulary come from a Carl's Jr takeout menu he slept on, a bunch of skinks in a coffee can
— The Telltale Blart (@Bro_Pair) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: a gas-powered tube that shoots out the ground beef, a guy who just kicked a tennis player to death, Benjamin Netanyahu
— The Telltale Blart (@Bro_Pair) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: a man with a swastika tattooed on his neck flexing, who pauses to ask you, "Are You In The Order"
— The Telltale Blart (@Bro_Pair) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP candidates: a hyena with his eyelids stapled to his brow, pimentos in a pool of vomit, a computer chair full of blood diamonds
— The Telltale Blart (@Bro_Pair) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: Richard III's Excavated DNA, A Ziggurat of Cambodian Skulls, A DVD Copy of 'The Skulls', Mama Celeste Pizza Box Picture
— Jeb Lund (@Mobute) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: A Patrician Accent Ordering Someone to 'Destroy My Ass,' Lew Rockwell Haunting a Soup Kitchen, Toby Keith Air Hankie
— Jeb Lund (@Mobute) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: Postcard from The Body Farm, Big-Titty Camwhore in Shirtless SS Uniform, Marco Rubio, A Hatchet
— Jeb Lund (@Mobute) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: A Sports-Talk Radio Guitar Solo, Sackful of Maggots, A Naked Girl on a Mudflap That Tells You to Kill A Drifter
— Jeb Lund (@Mobute) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: Grandpa jokes that are mildly racist, a Best Buy employee convincing you to buy Monster cables, Real_Player_install.exe
— sreegs (@ahuj9) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: Blofedlt Dropping FDR Into A Pool, A March Of Dimes Falling Down a Quadriplegic's Throat, Any Kind of Shark
— Jeb Lund (@Mobute) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: Everything From Skymall But With A Glock Welded To It
— Jeb Lund (@Mobute) July 17, 2013
@Mobute 2016 GOP Candidates: Janine Turner's Guest Bathroom
— Richard Lawson (@rilaws) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: http://t.co/IZcz81ppFh
— Jeb Lund (@Mobute) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: A Classic Pace Picante Sauce Ad, $5 Mustache Rides, 'Cherry Pie' Playing During a Teen's Pelvic Exam
— Jeb Lund (@Mobute) July 17, 2013
After @Bro_Pair, my GOP 2016 contenders: Photo of The Rock punching a map; Kirk Gibson; Room-temp Outback steak w/ American Flag toothpick.
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP candidates: a morbidly obese unconscious man slumped over a video poker machine. no one in the casino is doing anything to help him
— The Telltale Blart (@Bro_Pair) July 17, 2013
More 2016 GOP contenders: frowning Teddy Ruxpin that speaks Sam Elliott's Coors narration; Buddy Garrity; Mel Gibson's character in Payback.
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) July 17, 2013
The 2016 GOP Field: A GIF of Jerry Jones high-fiving Papa John; Amy Grant in dude-drag; a shirtless and bandolier-ed Luke Scott.
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) July 17, 2013
.@david_j_roth @bro_pair diabetes, the concept of unjustified anger, a rebel flag in the shoe of a naked chick.
— Matt Christman (@cushbomb) July 17, 2013
@david_j_roth 2016 GOP: ripped package of 4 scotch glasses with a clearance sticker, a 78 cent tip, the jewel case for an eagles album.
— Leon Redballs (@stunt_bird) July 17, 2013
@david_j_roth 2016 GOP frontrunners: NFL Film of Roethlisberger extending a play, worn paperback of Robert Ludlum book, Tomahawk Chop
— alex pareene (@pareene) July 17, 2013
@david_j_roth A smoke detector w/ the batteries taken out; thin layer of gray silt covering everything; Adam Carolla
— NegativeDunkalectics (@negativedunks) July 17, 2013
"Truck from 'Duel'" still leading 2016 GOP pack
— alex pareene (@pareene) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: an often-washed Crown Vic, some propane and propane accessories, a staggeringly precise haircut
— Chris Collision (@cfCollision) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: The 'White' Autobots, Beverly D'Angelo's Nude Shower Scene, The Victims in Se7en, A McGriddle Stamping on A Human Face
— Jeb Lund (@Mobute) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Field: Stephen Baldwin in a shirt, tie and board shorts; Chael Sonnen; Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino; Clint Eastwood
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP candidates: Calvin peeing on Ford logo decal, a Bop-It with corroded batteries, the first four Michael W. Smith albums
— CHILLS FANGSTOCK (@sundownmotel) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: A Bald Man In a Fedora Embroidered To Look Like a Dragon's Upper Jaw, Weed Whacker Spinning Out of Control by a School
— Jeb Lund (@Mobute) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: Grown-up version of Zack Morris from Saved By The Bell; a confused Rick Ross; everyone in Three Doors Down; Chip Caray
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP candidates: a piece of white dog feces, an outgoing answering machine message with the person pretending they can't hear you
— CHILLS FANGSTOCK (@sundownmotel) July 17, 2013
@david_j_roth 2016 GOP candidates: a poorly-caulked bathtub, Denis Leary's voiceover from the truck ads, a Strom Thurmond fathead
— Leon Redballs (@stunt_bird) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: Salad Bar Teeming With Ovarian Cysts, Lenny Dykstra Investment Brochure, Slop Bucket Under A Sign Labeled "Free Polio"
— Jeb Lund (@Mobute) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Field: the pro poker player who wears the reflective lizard sunglasses; an armed possum; a Snuggie-clad Jon Voight; Sam Brownback.
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) July 17, 2013
2016 GOP Candidates: A Dishonest Mechanic Performing Unnecessary Surgeries, A Curb-Stomping from Deck Shoes, A Rolodex Filled With Negs
— Jeb Lund (@Mobute) July 17, 2013
#2016GOPcandidates The Rape Scene from The Road Warrior
— Jeb Lund (@Mobute) November 5, 2014
